It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
