Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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