We're facebook friends in real life
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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