I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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