uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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