It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
