I want to have your abortion
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
