I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
