I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize