There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
