just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
