In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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