I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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