dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
