I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You've changed since you got that strap on
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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