im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
