i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
