Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
