Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
