I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You can't motorboat a personality
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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