He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
