Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
