So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
