Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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