ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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