smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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