I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the day after is always just damage control
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
