I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my shit smells like andre
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
