why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
