Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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