Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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