Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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