he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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