So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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