All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
