Well douche your snatch and let's go!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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