New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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