I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
