Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
