R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
