Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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