let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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