I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
