She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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