you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
