the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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