1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My friends, they love my intelligence
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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