its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
