i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
