Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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